Men and women have many of the same needs, but they tend to be weighted differently. In relationships, we all want to feel loved and respected. However the way that is accomplished is somewhat gender specific. It’s the Mars, Venus syndrome.
When a man has the respect of his mate, it actually makes him want to become a better person. When it comes to relationships, feeling respected is a huge issue for most men. So, while some of the items on this list are very similar to the ones found in 65 Ways to Make Her feel Special, you will notice that the list leans more toward respect than toward love. Realize that for a man, the two are basically synonymous.
In relationships, most men are easily encouraged. Your approval is a powerful motivator and applying some of these simple steps will yield great results.
1. Communicate with him respectfully.
2. Let him know he’s important to you.
3. Try to understand his reasons, even when you disagree.
4. Ask for his help.
5. Let go of the small stuff.
6. Tell him you love and respect him, and that you like him.
7. Give him some space for his hobbies
8. Show him that you respect him and trust him.
9. When you go out together don’t bring up problems.
10. Focus your attention on what he’s doing right.
11. Show interest in what he feels is important in life.
12. Be happy and positive when he comes home.
13. Give him half an hour to unwind after work.
14. Don’t allow any family member to treat him disrespectfully.
15. Defend him to any family member who tries to dishonor him.
16. Compliment his efforts above his performance.
17. Seek his advice when you face challenges.
18. Set and work on goals together.
19. Don’t over commit yourself, leave some time for him.
20. Be forgiving when he unintentionally offends you.
21. Find ways to show him you need him. Guys need to be needed.
22. Don’t fill his every spare moment with chores.
23. Peel away your pride and admit your mistakes.
24. Rub his neck and shoulders when he is stressed.
25. If he wants to talk, listen and ask viewpoint questions.
26. Express appreciation for his hard work.
27. Tell him you are proud of him for the person he is.
28. Give advice in a loving way; do not in a nag him.
29. Reserve some energy for him when he wants you sexually.
30. Don’t expect him to spend all his time on honey do projects.
31. Commend him for being a good man.
32. Brag about him to other people even when he’s not there.
33. Share your feelings with him but keep it abbreviated.
34. Tell him 3 things you specifically appreciate about him.
35. Honor him and show your respect in front of everyone.
36. Get up with him, even when he gets up earlier than you want to.
37. Be his helper in whatever ways he needs it.
38. Accept that sometimes he just wants to be with you and not talk.
39. When he’s in a bad mood don’t crowd him.
40. Help him accomplish his goals.
41. Work to get rid of habits that annoy him.
42. Don’t compare his relatives with yours in a negative way.
43. Thank him for things he’s done around the house.
44. Don’t expect him to always notice everything you do.
45. Consult him before making important plans.
46. Let him sleep in when he can.
47. Don’t belittle his intelligence or be cynical with him.
48. Initiate sex periodically but be responsive more often.
49. Get to the point in your discussions without endless details.
50. Wink at him from across the room when you’re out together.
51. Give him the benefit of the doubt when he misspeaks.
52. Don’t quarrel over words.
53. Be kind and courteous with him.
54. Don’t blame him every time things go wrong.
55. When he blows it don’t say, “I told you so.”
56. Never argue over money, he already feels responsible.
57. Hold his hand and snuggle up close to him.
58. Praise his good decisions and minimize the bad ones.
59. Don’t expect him to read your mind, we’re not that smart.
60. Check with him before you throw away his papers and stuff.
61. Work to keep yourself in shape in every way.
62. When you’re angry don’t give him the silent treatment.
63. Look your best for him and make him proud to be seen with you.
64. Be his best cheer leader.
65. Acknowledge his successes in areas of everyday life.
66. Patiently teach him how to demonstrate his love for you.
67. Thank him for just being himself.

A few important points to keep in mind

This is not a list of rules and the purpose of this list in not to encourage a one-sided relationship. These are only suggestions for those who want to make their man feel respected and find it difficult to understand how a man’s emotional anchors work.
I know this is a long list and it would be absurd to think that all these things are required to help your mate feel respected. If they are, then there is a deeper issue that is not being addressed. So, if you are looking for ways to boost your mate’s feelings of respect, I suggest that you just pick out a few items that resonate with you and give them a try. If you are uncomfortable with some (or all) of these suggestions, or if they make you feel inferior, fake, or stifled, then don’t use them. It is entirely up to you!

Do you want that special lady in your life to feel special? Trust me when I tell you that small things mean a lot. Over time, it’s easy to forget the little things that contribute so much to a happy and fulfilling relationship.
From time to time, it’s a good idea to look closely at the way we treat our partner and make sure that our actions accurately convey our true feelings. Here’s a list of 65 things that should never be overlooked in a relationship. If you think I’m wrong, just ask her!
1. Regularly express to her that you need and value her.
2. Do things that make you laugh together.
3. Compliment her for her special qualities and be specific.
4. Put your arms around her when she needs comfort.
5. Speak respectfully, don’t demean her or hurt her feelings.
6. Give her time to be with her friends.
7. Take regular walks hand-in-hand.
8. Be enthusiastic over things that she’s excited about.
9. Do something you think she wants done before she asks.
10. Discuss changes with her first before you make them.
11. Show interest in the relationship and the things she values.
12. Allow her to teach you things without being defensive.
13. Let go of the small stuff.
14. Be a good listener and value what she says.
15. Get away from the routine to spend time together.
16. Go shopping with her without watching the clock.
17. Make her breakfast and clean up afterward.
18. Set specific relationship goals to achieve together.
19. Act like you are partners in all areas life.
20. Don’t take her for granted, always be polite.
21. Admit your mistakes, and ask for forgiveness.
22. Defend her to others, especially to your family.
23. Don’t belittle her intelligence.
24. Scratch her back, rub her feet, and massage her neck.
25. Be especially helpful when she is not feeling well.
26. When she asks how your day went, give her details.
27. Never argue over money, it will damage your relationship.
28. Don’t embarrass her in front of others.
29. Make eye contact when the two of you are talking.
30. Show that you prefer her company over all others.
31. Give her your full attention whenever possible.
32. When she expresses her feelings listen with your heart.
33. Never flirt with another woman.
34. Brag about her and your relationship to others.
35. Surprise her with a card and flowers.
36. Call her when you know you are going to be late.
37. Give her your undivided attention when she’s talking.
38. Never compare her unfavorably with others.
39. Take care of yourself, It shows you care.
40. Be supportive. Help her to achieve her goals.
41. Run errands without complaining.
42. Sit close to her, even when you’re just watching TV.
43. Include her when you make plans.
44. Do things that make her feel cherished as a woman.
45. Build trust into your relationship.
46. Surprise her with a 15+ second kiss.
47. Stay in good of shape so she’s proud to be with you.
48. Be kinder to her than you are to strangers.
49. Make sure she feels valued above everyone else.
50. Continue to court her and date her.
51. Show affection for her in front of friends.
52. Hold her close when she is hurt or discouraged.
53. Surprise her with an unexpected gift.
54. Don’t forget to hold her hand in public.
55. Honor her and support her dignity.
56. Don’t dishonor her by eyeballing other women.
57. Fix dinner for her sometimes.
58. Be sympathetic when she’s feeling down.
59. Don’t ignore the small things that bother her.
60. Do things around the house that she wants done.
61. Tell her and show her that you love her every day.
62. When you’re away call or email often.
63. Show her affection without sexual intentions.
64. Show her affection with sexual intentions.
65. Let her see you reading and applying this list.

A few important points to keep in mind

This is not a list of rules and the purpose of this list in not to encourage a one-sided relationship. These are only suggestions for those who truly want to make the lady in their life feel special, but don’t really understand how to accomplish that.
Because a rich and rewarding relationship is a two way street, it’s advantageous if both participants have some understanding of what it takes to satisfy the needs of their partner. That’s why I also wrote 67 Ways to Make Him Feel Super Respected. You see, very often partners want to meet their mates needs but don’t have a clue how life looks from the other persons viewpoint. The purpose of these two lists is simply to provide a little insight and perspective into the Mars, Venus syndrome, and to build some appreciation for our somewhat mysterious gender specific differences.

1. Forgive yourself for every mistake you’ve ever made.

2. Forgive others for their offenses against you.
3. Stop obsessing over things you can’t control.
4. Take breaks often to clear you mind.
5. Do one thing at a time.
6. Stop over analyzing and start doing.
7. Stop judging what others do or don’t do.
8. Learn to say no and really mean it.
9. Only add to your “to do” list after crossing 2 things off.
10. When you buy something new, get rid of something old.
11. Give yourself some sincere approval.
12. Stop being a perfectionist and move on.
13. Let go of trying to control everything.
14. Don’t get emotionally invested in every little thing.
15. Quit agonizing over decisions you’ve made. It’s a done deal.
16. Remember that almost everything is temporary.
17. Ask yourself: Will it matter in 3 years? If not, let it go.
18. Find reasons to laugh out loud several times a day.
19. Stop taking things personally, it’s not always about you!
20. Use Touchstone Triggering to enhance the positive.
21. Don’t compare yourself to others. Life is not a contest.
22. Smile at everyone!
23. Start every conversation with a positive thought.
24. Don’t worry about things that haven’t happened yet.
25. Quit reacting like everything is an emergency.
26. Exercise every single day!
27. Don’t trade sleep for work.
28. Eat for nourishment not for comfort.
29. Express gratitude for the small things you appreciate.
30. Choose walking over driving whenever possible.
31. Do things that connect you with the earth.
32. Put up a bird feeder and become a bird watcher.
33. Don’t watch the news, especially when you are eating.
34. Listen to music that calms your soul and carries you away.
35. Get an answering machine or service.
36. Alarm clocks are rude, learn to wake up naturally.
37. Go to the beach or river and soak up the negative ions.
38. Do something nice just for you every single day.
39. Do something nice for someone else every single day.
40. Tell the people you love how you feel daily.
41. Count your blessings every morning and every night.
42. Eliminate unnecessary commitments.
43. Don’t allow others to make you feel pressured.
44. Stop creating unnecessary drama in your life.
45. Take 10 slow, deep breaths every hour on the hour.
46. Help others whenever it is within your power to do so.
47. Consciously relax every muscle in your body at bed time.
48. Turn off the “problem solver” 2 hours before bed time.
49. As soon as you wake up, do a gratitude review.
50. Play with your children or pets every day.
51. Laugh at yourself.
52. Be early for everything so you don’t feel rushed.
53. Make peace of mind a high priority in your life.
54. Find ways to express your creativity regularly.
55. Do an hourly brain dump for 30 seconds. Let it all go.
56. Hang out with happy, light hearted people.
57. Never complain. If something bothers you take action.
58. Don’t use words like stressed out, worried, or pressured.
59. Never rush through a meal. Savor every bite.
60. Maintain you energy levels and you will stress less.
61. Reduce spending and work toward being debt free.
62. Lighten your material load. More stuff = more stress!
63. Practice unplugging from the electronic world.
64. Read for pleasure and relaxation.
65. Exchange massages with someone.
66. Inhale calm, exhale tension.
67. Identify and eliminate energy drains.
68. Don’t flog your adrenals with more coffee, get some rest.
69. Actively interact with positive people as much as you can.
70. If it’s not your problem get out of the way (like tailgaters).
71. Get a hobby that completely captures your focus.
72. Never respond to or repeat gossip, it will backfire.
73. Only project positive thoughts into your future.
74. Be realistic with the demands you put on yourself.
75. Take care of your health, 90% of illness is stress related.
76. Don’t over focus on potential (imaginary) problems.
77. Maintain an optimistic perspective.
78. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
79. Be reasonable about scheduling your time.
80. Accept that everything takes longer than you think.
81. Use applied focus sessions to create more free time.
82. Stop trying to do everything yourself. Get some help.
83. Never argue with ignorance it will only frustrate you.
84. Adopt a stress free attitude because it’s all perception.
85. Remember that negative life lessons have great value.
86. Counter stress with positive words and actions.
87. When you’re feeling down take time to help other people.
88. Get rid of anything or anyone that makes you miserable.
89. Control over expectation to avoid disappointment.
90. Remember; first come the fear then the blessing.
91. Don’t stress out trying to get everyone to agree with you.
92. Stay away from the negative what if syndrome.
93. Seize every opportunity to be encouraging to others.
94. Live in the present instead of longing for the past.
95. View challenges as opportunities to minimize stress.
96. Unchain Yourself from conventional thinking myths
97. Multitasking creates stress and lowers productivity, don’t do it.
98. Believe that if it doesn’t kill you it will make you stronger.
99. Harness the anti-stress Power of Your Emotional Vocabulary.
100. Life isn’t always fair but it is still a gift, practice gratitude.

Faida za Kiafya za Kitunguu Swaumu (Garlic) Featured


Kitunguu swaumu ni jamii ya vitunguu ambayo kwa kitaalamu huitwa Allium sativum. Jamii hii ilianza kutumika katika mabara mbalimbali duniani hususani Asia, Afrika na Ulaya takribani miaka 6000 iliyopita. Matumizi makuu nyakati hizo yakiwa viungo katika mboga na tiba.




Kitunguu swaumu kimetajwa kwenye vitabu mbalimbali vya dini vikielezea faida zake katika kutibu maradhi mbalimbali yasababishwayo na bakteria, matatizo katika mapafu, matatizo katika mfumo wa umen'genyaji chakula, na matatizo ya kuishiwa nguvu.




Historia inaonesha kuwa, vitunguu swaumu vilianza kutumika China mwaka 510 K.K na pia vilitumiwa na wanajeshi wa Ugiriki na Roma. Aidha wasafiri wa vyombo vya baharini na vijijini pamoja na wakulima barani Afrika walivitumia sana.




Mwaka 1858, mtafiti na mwanasayansi wa nyakati hizo, Louis Pasteur aligundua uwezo wa kitunguu swaumu katika kuua vimelea mbalimbali vinavyosababisha magonjwa, na hivyo vikaanza kutumika kama dawa ya kusafishia vidonda na kuzuia kidonda ndugu hasa zama za vita ya kwanza na pili ya dunia. Isitoshe, mpaka sasa zipo dawa kadhaa zilizotengenewa kwa kutumia jamii hii ya vitunguu swaumu ikiwemo dawa ya kusafisha mdomo (mouth wash) ingawa watumaiji wake wengi huilalamikia dawa hiyo kwa sababu ya harufu mbaya ya dawa hiyo inayowasababishia kunuka kwa mdomo.




Faida za vitunguu swaumu




Katika tafiti mbalimbali vitunguu swaumu vimeonekana kuwa na uwezo wa kutibu maambukizi ya bakteria, fangasi na virusi vya aina mbalimbali. Aidha husaidia kuzuia magonjwa ya moyo ikiwemo kuondoa lijamu katika mishipa ya damu na hivyo kusaidia katika kurekebisha shinikizo la damu. Faida nyingine za vitunguu swaumu ni pamoja na
Kutibu saratani ikiwemo saratani ya tumbo na utumbo mkubwa. Tafiti zinaonesha idadi ndogo ya wagonjwa wa saratani katika nchi ambazo wakazi wake wana utamaduni wa kutumia vitunguu swaumu kwa wingi.
Vitunguu swaumu husaidia kudhibiti kiwango cha sukari katika damu. Hata hivyo inashauriwa kwamba wagonjwa wa kisukari wanaotumia sindano za insulin wasitumie kitunguu swaumu kwa wingi mpaka watakaposhauriwa na daktari.
Huzuia kusanyiko la chembe sahani zinazosaidia kuganda kwa damu (platelet aggregation)
Husaidia ufyozwaji wa thiamin, hivyo kusaidia kuepusha mwili na ugonjwa wa beriberi
Ina kiasi kikubwa cha vitamini C ambayo husaidia kuzuia ugonjwa wa kiseyeye
Hutumika kutibu magonjwa nyemelezi kama toxoplasmosis, hasa kwa watu wenye upungufu wa kinga mwilini.

Ushahidi wa Kitafiti




Katika utafiti uliofanyika nchini Czech ilionekana kuwa matumizi ya vitunguu swaumu yalisaidia sana katika kupunguza kusanyiko la lijamu (cholesterol) pamoja na mafuta yasiyofaa mwilini (low density lipoproteins) katika mishipa ya damu. Aidha, mwaka 2007 BBC iliripoti matumizi ya vitunguu swaumu katika kusaidia kumkinga mtumiaji dhidi ya aina fulani ya mafua iliyosababishwa na virusi. Mwaka 2010, ulifanyika utafiti mwingine ambao ulijumuisha wagonjwa 50 wenye shinikizo la damu sugu ambalo lilikuwa ni vigumu kudhibitiwa hata kwa matibabu yaliyozoeleka ya dawa na njia nyingine. Kama njia ya kuchunguza ufanisi wa vitunguu swaumu katika kutibu shinikizo la damu, baadhi ya wagonjwa hao walipewa vitunguu swaumu wakati wengine walipewa dawa isiyohusika na matibabu ya shinikizo la damu (au placebo). Ilionekana kuwa wale waliopewa vitunguu swaumu kama dawa ya shinikizo la damu walionesha maendeleo mazuri kwa vitunguu swaumu kuweza kushusha vizuri kiwango cha shinikizo la damu, hususani systolic pressure, tofauti na wale waliopewa placebo.




Nini siri ya kitunguu swaumu?




Sifa kuu zinazokifanya kitunguu swaumu kuwa na uwezo na faida zilizoainishwa hapo juu ni kule kuwa kwake na viasili kadhaa (ingredients) ambavyo vinafanya kazi tofauti tofauti. Uwezo wake wa kiutendaji unatokana na mambo yafuatayo;
Vina uwezo wa kusababisha kutanuka kwa mishipa ya damu (vasodilation) kwa kubadilisha polysulfides zilizopo ndani yake kuwa hydrogen sulfides kwenye seli nyekundu za damu.
Husaidia uthibiti wa kiwango cha sukari mwilini kwa kushusha kiwango cha kemikali ya homocystine na kupunguza madhara ya kisukari.
Iwapo vitapondwa pondwa vizuri, vitunguu swaumu hutoa kemikali iitwayo Allicin ambayo ni dawa dhidi ya bateria, na phytoncide ambayo huua fangasi wa aina mbalimbali.
Harufu mbaya ya kitunguuu swaumu hutokana na gesi aina ya hydrogen sulfide ambayo inayotolewa baada ya kuvila.

Nini Madhara ya vitunguu swaumu?




Ukiacha faida zake, vitunguu swaumu pia vina hasara na madhara mbalimbali kwa mtumiaji. Madhara hayo ni pamoja na;
Harufu mbaya mdomoni ambayo hutokana na kemikali ya AMS (allyl methyl sulfide). Harufu mbaya hii, hata hivyo, yaweza kupunguzwa kwa kunywa maziwa au kunywa maji mengi.
Kwa baadhi ya watumiaji, vinaweza kuwaletea mzio au mcharuko mwili (allergies au inflammatory reactions)
Kichefuchefu, Kutapika na kuharisha.
Huweza kusababisha hatari ya kuvuja damu, kwa sababu huzuia kazi ya seli sahani (platelets) zenye kusaidia kuganda kwa damu kushindwa kufanya kazi yake vizuri, na hususani kwa mama wajawazito, baada ya upasuaji au mara baada ya kujifungua.
Huingiliana katika utendaji kazi wake na dawa kadhaa kama vile warfarin, antiplatelets, saquinavir, dawa za shinikizo la damu kwa ujumla hasa calcium channel blockers, na antibiotiki za jamii ya quinolone kama vile ciproflaxacillin.
Aidha, vinaelezwa pia kuwa na madhara kwa wanyama jamii ya paka na mbwa.

Ah, “The Notebook.” (Sigh.) Watched it last week. I don’t watch movies more than once, with very few exceptions. This is one of those exceptions; I’ve watched this movie 3 or 4 times now.

Many would argue that this movie is by far the best love story captured on film. What sets this movie apart from other love stories on film?

Noah and Allie’s love passes the test of endurance.
Unlike a typical romantic comedy or love story, we see beyond the “kiss”; we see what happens after happily ever after. As women, we want to believe that a man will find himself at home in our presence, that he truly means ’till death do us part.’ Even as Noah progressively loses Allie through Alzheimer’s, he states, “My sweetheart lives here. This is my home. She is my home.”

Noah is the prototype of what women desire in a man.
I wish men would take notes while watching this movie. There is so much to be learned from Noah’s character. Every woman I know who has seen this movie notes that Noah at first seems rather plain in physical appearance but by the end of the movie, he’s like a Greek God!

Seriously, you just fall in love with how he loves Allie. So guys, take some notes.

Women love…

1.) Men who are willing to makes fools of themselves to show how much they want to be with you. Ah, the power of the public grand gesture. It reminds us just how brave and courageous you are, willing to take risks and possible/likely rejection. (Think of the Ferris wheel scene when Noah jumps on to introduce himself to Allie and ask for a date.)

2.) Men who are persistent. Unless she is completely turned off by the sight of you from the initial meeting, she will warm up to your persistence. You can tell if an initial “no” really means “keep trying” if she is unable to hide some form of a smile or smirk. It shows us that you are not easily discouraged, that you are willing to work hard for what you want, that you are ambitious, and most importantly, that you really want us.

3.) Men who only have eyes for one woman. I know guys usually face rejection and move on to the next girl with ease, and a lot of guys can like several girls simultaneously. Girls don’t want to believe this, hence the appeal of Noah, who only has eyes for Allie. I guess the least you can do is make us feel like we are it. Don’t flaunt your other pursuits. Think the opposite of the message in the song Mambo # 9. It shows us that you are loyal, and that you see something in us that is different from all the other girls.

4.) Men who keep their promises regardless of circumstances. Noah said he would build the house with the blue shutters, the wrap around porch, and the painting room. He delivered. It shows us that you have integrity….which brings me to the next…

5.) Men who do the loving thing even when it hurts. Noah wrote Allie for a year without a response. Bravo. ’nuff said. This shows us that your hopes aren’t easily shattered, and even after it all, you are not bitter. Look at Noah’s last letter. Day 365:

My Dearest Allie, I couldn’t sleep last night because I know that it’s over between us. I’m not bitter anymore, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I’ll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that’s what you’ve given me. That’s what I hope to give to you forever. I love you. I’ll be seeing you. Noah

6.) Men who esteem themselves not because of worldly accomplishments but in the accomplishment of loving another deeply.

At the beginning of the movie, Noah says:

I am nothing special; just a common man with common thoughts, and I’ve led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who’s ever lived: I’ve loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough.

This shows us that loving others is your greatest priority. That kind of man is hard to find!

7.) Men who really listen. I mean, you can tell he really listened because he remembered her wishes. When she said what she wanted, he looked at her intently, as if he were making a note in his mind. Like Rick Warren says in The Purpose-driven Life, what we really want from people we love is “focused attention.” We want to look into your eyes, and see that all of you is really there, and there is no other place you would rather be. This shows us that we are up there on your mental priority list and that you value our thoughts.

8.) Men who would tell the truth, risk hurting our feelings, and fight with us rather than withdraw and brush issues under the rug to preserve peace. Like this scene:

Noah: Well, that’s what we do: we fight. You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a b**ch, and I tell you when you are a pain in the a**, which you are 99 percent of the time. I’m not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a 2-second rebound rate, then you’re back doing the next pain-in-the-a** thing.
Allie: So what?
Noah: So it’s not going to be easy. It’s going to be really hard. We’re gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, every day.

It shows us that you care enough about saving the authenticity of the relationship to speak out. It shows that you are not indifferent. It shows that you are a man and not a doormat.

9.) Men who are realists. They believe that it will take work and that it will be hard. Love is work; it isn’t leisure. They don’t buy into an easy, pain-free “happily ever after.” It shows us that you are in it with earthly expectations and that you are not just in love with the high of being in love. It shows us that you are willing to work at love and that hard times will not make you hardened. And lastly…

10.) Men who want us till death do us part. Forever isn’t scary; commitment isn’t scary. We want to believe that it is natural to want forever, to want commitment because it’s with us. A couple of years ago, I asked a guy I dated what was the number one quality he wanted in a girl. He replied, “forever.” (Sigh.) I guess “forever” is a universal wish of those who truly seek love.

*wink*

Melody.

THIS IS FOR MY GIRLS...  HOW'S YOUR LOVE LIFE??? IF YOU HAVE QUESTIONS AND YOU'RE NOT SURE WHO TO ASK.. HERE'S SOMETHING THAT MIGHT JUST HELP A LITTLE.... 

I have discovered a stark contrast between what each sex thinks the opposite sex wants from them, and what the opposite sex really does want.

What women think men want from them causes women to have resentment and anger toward men, and feel hopeless about ever developing a wonderful, warm, romantic partnership. What men think women want from them causes them much of the same feelings and frustration.

The sad part is that it does not have to be this way, if only we would realize that both men and women are human beings first and pretty much want the same thing. But, you don’t have to take my word for this.

I asked a number of men and women who are actively involved in personal growth and development what they want from a partner in order to build a great relationship. You will find their answers unexpected. Discover what men said they want from women as contrasted with what women think men want. You’ll also find tips for women to give men what they want, attract a great man, and create a wonderful relationship.

Honest communication is top priority for men. They want a woman who answers questions honestly, and perhaps even volunteers information. They want a woman who confidently asks for her wants and needs to be met. They want a woman who can see the truth and tell it like it is while communicating with kindness. Men want a woman who can communicate without being too critical, who cares about preserving his and her dignity.

Women think men want them to be superficial, to keep quiet about their needs or wants, and never to ask for anything. Women think men believe them to be too needy and too sensitive, and that men simply want women to get over it. Some women believe they do not have the permission to tell it like it is, that they will be rejected for speaking up.

A tip for women
Great men want and need straightforward, courageous communication without anger or criticism. One way to attract a great man and build a satisfying relationship is to learn how to communicate your truth and needs effectively.

2. Men want self-sufficient, secure, confident women.

Men want a woman to choose them out of want rather than out of desperation — either materially or emotionally. Men need to be wanted and needed by their partners, but they want their partners to have a separate identity. Men want a woman to be active and independent, to have her own friends and interests.
On the other hand, men treasure time spent with a loving partner.

Women think men don’t want women to need them. Women think men do not need or appreciate time spent together as a couple. Women believe that showing a man he is needed will turn him off and
possibly make him run away.

A tip for womenMen want what women want — a whole partner. One powerful way to attract a great man and build a vibrant relationship is to create a full, rewarding life for your own fulfillment.

3. Men want a manipulation-free relationship.

Men want no manipulation of any kind. They do not want to read their partner’s mind or try to interpret signals. They do not want to be forced to move faster in a relationship than they are ready. They do not want to be manipulated into taking all the blame for things gone wrong. They do not want to be on the receiving end of game playing.

Women think men want little or no communication, and the only way to get needs met is through manipulation. Women think men either need or want to be reminded that the relationship needs to move forward. Women think men don’t want or value praise and acknowledgment, and so tend to only verbalize criticism.

A tip for women
Men will not tolerate manipulation of any kind for any significant length of time. To attract a great man and build a wonderful relationship learn to ask without hesitation for what you want and need in every area of your life. Learn to be aware of his timing and his time-line. Learn how to acknowledge and bestow praise.

4. Men want growth, personal responsibility, and ownership.

Men want a partner who can laugh at herself and who has courage and strength. They want a woman who can see her part in relationship dynamics and own it. She has to be emotionally stable. Men want a woman who is developing herself personally, and who takes responsibility for her emotional experience.

Women think men only want to have a good time. Women think men have no interest in developing and growing a relationship or developing and growing themselves. Women think men want women who are super models, and that they never consider whether a
woman is emotionally mature, kind, supportive, or loving.

A tip for women
Men want women who are emotionally mature. Maturity does not mean lack of emotions. It does mean the ability to handle emotions responsibly. To attract a great man and build a long-term relationship, learn to take responsibility for your emotional experience and expression.

5. Men want fidelity and a commitment to the relationship.

Fidelity is an absolute must. In fact, men want a woman who does not have a “roaming eye” and who can wholeheartedly commit to the relationship. Many may define commitment as fidelity plus the willingness to work on the relationship — even when the going gets tough.

Women think that all men want is sex, and that men will leave a relationship for the next prettier face. Women think men cannot be trusted to be faithful. Women believe men do not want to work on a relationship; that when the going gets tough, they run.

A tip for women
Here is great news for those women who are resigned to the myth that all men cheat: infidelity and “a roaming eye” are as distasteful to men as they are to women. Great men know how to build a wonderful relationship, and they know fidelity is the main ingredient.

6. Men want women who know how men need to be treated.

Many women treat men in ways that diminish their egos, making them feel inadequate. Men would rather have more praise, more acknowledgment of what they do right, more acknowledgment that they are great guys who are loved and appreciated.

Women think men do not need them, do not value their opinion, their support, their praise. Women also think men do not care about many things important to women, which is why they criticize. Criticism is a way to verbalize resentment.

A tip for women
Most men want acknowledgment and appreciation from women. Learning to acknowledge instead of making your partner wrong is one of the most powerful relationship survival tools available to you.

Girls, if get this right and you just got your men right, it's not magic you just got to get it right.

Love,

Melody.

REAL TALK, REAL LIFE ISSUES WE ALL GO THROUGH IT, YOUR NOT ALONE.

Why do I find it so easy not to cheat?

Maybe I'm not very attractive, so my options are limited. Maybe I'm too jaded to go for the cheating opportunities. Maybe I still have some mental wounds lingering from when my dad temporarily moved out because he had met another woman. Maybe I'm too afraid that I've reached my sin quotient and one more big sin will keep me out of heaven.

Cheating is not a caught in the moment thing if you are really into your significant other, you miss them when you are not with them, you don't look for a way to hurt or deceive them.

I am just now patching up a friendship with someone I was seeing while they had a boyfriend (that may make me a cheater). At different points she told me that she had broken up with her boyfriend, that they were back together, and that he was boring and I was fun. It was total confusion.

I told her she wasn't being fair to herself, me, or him.

Finally, she said, "you just don't understand, there are things you don't know." Thing is she's been cheating on him for a couple of years with different guys, and he keeps taking her back.

So, are cheaters born cheaters, or do certain situations cause people to cheat? Probably a little bit of both. Here are some situations that make people cheat:

1. Bored
I'd say this is the most common reason that people cheat.It's tough to keep that edge throughout a relationship. Things start off grand and then level off and then you both realize that it's still real life. When you meet someone else, that inaugural excitement of a new relationship kicks back in.

2. Dependence
At first glance, cheating seems like independent behavior. It could be interpreted as doing what you want, when you want. But I would argue that cheating is a dependent behavior. A cheater is dependent because they are not strong enough to break up with their significant other in order to get with the new person.

3. Confusion
Sometimes life or a particular situation can get to you. When the perfect storm of confusion is going on in your head, you make mistakes.

4. Because They Let You
If any girl ever cheated on me, I'd break up with her immediately. Forgiving a cheater is putting up with it, and starts a vicious cycle. That person who cheated may lose respect for you and might continue to cheat-because they know they can get away with it, because you'll continue to take them back.

5. Nurturing
If someone is mistreating you, then your first instinct is to get away from him or her. But sometimes it's not that simple-maybe you are raising kids together. If you feel trapped in a bad relationship, it's only natural that you will run to the open arms of a person who treats you well.

6. Revenge
This is quite simple- an eye for an eye. Cheat on them if they cheat on you. If they continuously hurt you or abuse you in some way, you do it to get them back.

7. Confirmation of Attractiveness Sometimes when you're in a long relationship, or if your significant other is taking you for granted, you begin to wonder if you're still attractive. Perhaps, because you were out on the dating circuit, you felt more attractive when you were single. If you have an affair, you've proven that a new person can be attracted to you.

8. The Thrill Some people just enjoy the thrill of cheating: running around secretly, risking getting caught, andcreating thrilling moments with a forbidden romance.

9. They Don't Consider It Cheating, Even Though You Might Relationships have that grey area, usually right before you become exclusive. He thinks date #4 is when you're "together," and you think date #2 is when you're "together." If you haven't talked about exclusivity, someone may think they are well within their rights to see other people, even though the other person in the relationship may not.

I don't understand why people don't break up as soon as they have an urge to cheat. Is it natural to have temptation, or is temptation a sign that the relationship is losing its fire? What reasons would you add to this list, and do you disagree with any? If you've ever cheated, why did you do it? Could you forgive a cheater? If you are single, but seeing a person who is in a committed relationship, does that make you a cheater?

Feel free to leave your comments below and share your experience might help someone in need.

It  is bad enough when a stranger or foe betrays you, but when it is someone you believed to be a close and trusted friend, partner, or spouse, it is especially hurtful. It might feel like you were taken advantage of, deceived, humiliated, despised, cheated, or stabbed in the back. Oftentimes it comes as a surprise. That is why it is so painful. You would not expect to be hurt so badly from someone you thought you could trust. So you are left in disbelief and unbelievable pain.

Anyone who has experienced betrayal in a relationship knows how difficult it is to recover from such an experience. The person you thought you could trust and count on is no longer the person you believed them to be. So you wonder what happened. Were you just wrong about them all along or did something change? Maybe your relationship changed and so did their loyalty to you. Maybe something in either or both of your lives has changed and they became insensitive to you. Or, maybe you both grew apart and in different directions.

There are many reasons that cause people to betray one another. Sometimes they are very deliberate and intended to hurt the other person. And sometimes they are consequences of choices that are made with no intention of doing any harm to anyone. Looking out for one’s own best interests can cause some people to disregard relationships they once valued. They may feel the relationship is in the way or not as important anymore. Feelings change. And as feelings change so do one’s actions and choices. An individual that feels their needs are not being met in a relationship might feel that the relationship is no longer important or worth investing in. Therefore, they might seek to get their needs met elsewhere. This changes the relationship. Eventually, it grows apart and opportunities for betrayal emerge.

Betrayal is a destructive force that leaves many ruins in its path. Betrayal changes everything. Relationships and all those affected will never be the same again. The damage done can be irreparable. Trust is lost. Wounds run deep. Anger persists. Hearts are broken. Self-protective walls are erected. Pain is long and lasting. And we wonder…. Can trust ever be restored? Do wounds ever heal? Will anger cease to exist? Can hearts be repaired? Will the self-protective walls ever come down? Does the pain ever go away?

Not only does betrayal change relationships, it changes individuals. Something happens inside of them. They might find it difficult to ever trust again. They might be more guarded and protective of themselves for fear of being vulnerable again. They might learn to be more discerning and less naïve. Their expectations of others may change. They may reflect on their own role and responsibility in the relationship and what went wrong. They might try to understand, empathize, and forgive. They may be motivated to grow from the experience and learn more about themselves and others.

The pain of betrayal is very real and has a significant impact on the lives of all those who have experienced it. It is one of those painful life experiences that have the power to change people’s hearts and lives forever. If you have ever been betrayed, you cannot change what has happened to you or make the pain go away. You need time to grieve and feel angry. You need time to be comforted and encouraged. You also need time to restore your faith in yourself and others. Betrayal hurts and there is no fast and easy way to heal from its affects. It takes more than time. It takes a heart that will not harden. It takes a commitment to believe in others again. Relationships do change as a result of betrayal; but ultimately, how it changes you is what matters most.

Feel free to leave your comments below,

thank you.

Once people have settled into a relationship they often let the ball drop on things they were cautious about at the beginning. The more time you spend together with your partner, the more comfortable you are with each other -- but you should still be wary of behaviours that could turn into bad habits and that have the potential to put strain on your partnership.

1. Looking through his email or cellphone history
We're all occasionally curious about who our other half is texting, emailing and calling -- especially if he seems glued to his phone or if you have any reason to suspect infidelity. Despite that curiosity, Russo recommends restraining yourself.

"Accept that your curiosity is natural, but fight the urge to check his inbox and call log. If you feel compelled to check them regularly, know it is a relationship red flag."

Break the habit: "Work on learning how to trust your partner and how to resist the urge to spy," she says. "If your partner finds out you are violating his privacy, your relationship will be further damaged."

2. Stalking his social media accounts
"Do not stalk your partner's social media pages," insists Russo. We all have a tendency to read too much into Facebook status updates or tweets, but doing so can create more drama in your head than the situation actually deserves.

"This desire to be constantly connected to what is going on with those in our circle is a product of our current culture,

Break the habit: If this sounds like you, do your best to curb your social media habits. Don't go out of your way to seek out information on your partner's pages. "Realize that your partner will tell you the important things, "and that you shouldn't make judgments based on his self-expression online."

3. Staying attached to exes
Many people are -- or are tempted to be -- in frequent communication with their exes. "It is normal to think of an ex from time to time even when in a new healthy, happy relationship, but it is counterproductive to stay attached to an ex online or offline When a relationship is truly over, act accordingly."

Break the habit: Cut communication by removing your ex from your social media networks so that you're not tempted to contact him.

"If there is a need to be in regular contact with your ex -- if you share children, for example -- make sure your new partner is aware of and comfortable with the relationship. "And if you are truly platonic friends with an ex, make sure you introduce him or her to your new partner and that you all hang out together from time to time."

4. Getting lazy
It you've noticed that you're not making the same effort you made in the beginning of your relationship it may be time to remind your partner how much you care.

It's easy to get into a comfort zone and stop making the effort you once did, but this may cause your relationship to fizzle.

Break the habit: "Switching up your routine by making small changes can make a big difference,Even just trying a new place for dinner can seem exciting." The more you do to keep your relationship interesting, the stronger your bond will be.

5. Losing who you are
Losing your own personality may not seem obvious at first, but it can easily happen if you spend too much time with your partner. Russo shares three signs that indicate you might be losing yourself in your relationship.

• Your friends and family members are upset that you never call or see them.
• You find yourself spending more nights at your significant other's place than at your own.
• You've given up your hobbies.

Break the habit: "Fix this problem by reconnecting with those you've lost touch with and creating a schedule that allows for spending time apart,"Get back into the activities you've given up during the relationship."

6. Comparing your relationship to others
The older you get -- and the longer you're in a relationship -- the easier it is to let the progression of other people's relationships (engagements, weddings, baby announcements) make you feel you should be at the same stages.

"You'll know you've fallen victim if you are constantly initiating 'the talk' with your partner to see where your relationship is headed or if you're planning your wedding a few weeks into a relationship,

Break the habit: All this pressure will no doubt make your partner uncomfortable. "Fix this by getting realistic. Your relationship is not a race. Don't let what others do allow you to feel pressured."

By avoiding these potentially damaging behaviours you will ensure that your relationship continues to thrive no matter how long you've been together.

“Today" co-anchor Ann Curry confirmed speculation on Thursday with an announcement that she's stepping down from her anchor spot but not leaving the network.

Curry told viewers that Thursday marks her last time co-hosting, but she will go on to tell stories for other NBC News shows, including "Today."

The long-time anchor was surrounded by the rest of the hosting staff when she made the announcement, including Matt Lauer, Al Roker and Natalie Morales.

The moment arrived roughly a week after reports surfaced that she was headed for an exit.

“This is not easy to say but today is going to be my last morning as a regular co-host," Curry began tearfully. "I will still be a part of the 'Today' show family but I’m going to have a new title and a new role. And this is not as I expected... I never expected to leave this couch after 15 years, but I am so grateful, especially to all of you who watch, because Matt and I and everyone who sits on this couch, we often call ourselves a family. But you are the real 'Today' show family.”

Curry continued, “You are why I have ventured into dangerous places and interviewed dictators and jumped off of planes and off of bridges and climbed mountains and landed in the South Pole and convinced the Dalai Lama to come live in our studio,” she said of the work she's done over the past 15 years.

“For all of you who saw me as a groundbreaker,” she continued, “I’m sorry I couldn’t carry the ball over the finish line but man, I did try. And so to all of you who watched, thank you from the bottom of my heart for letting me touch yours.”

Curry also gave viewers a peek into her new role for NBC.

“They’re giving me some fancy new title, which essentially means that I’m going to get tickets to every big story we want to cover with a terrific team of my choosing ... we’re going to go all over the world and all over this country at a time when this country and this world needs clarity,” she explained. “We’re going to do great work, I hope, and we’re being given the chance to do the work that most of us got into journalism to do. And these stories are going to air on all the platforms of NBC News, including here on 'Today.'”

At one point she joked as Lauer looked on, "After all of these years I don’t know if I can sleep in anymore!”

“You have the biggest heart in the business,” Lauer said. “The way you care about people comes through in every single story you report."

Morales reached out to take the very emotional Curry’s hand and praise her for what she’s already done for the show and what she will do in the future.

It is not yet known when Curry will begin her new duties.